Identifying Workplace Toxicity today.

Working in a toxic workplace has made two things very clear.

1- Playground bullies grow up.

2- They miraculously get leadership positions where they habitually look for targets.

Workplace narcissistic abuse is real, thriving and deliberately overlooked. So at the risk of being too bold to be ever hired again, I write this for someone who is being abused and hasn’t yet walked away.

So in my office, we were divided into teams, each one being monitored by a ‘Project Manager’ (PM).

This is an analysis of a bad PM and her team dynamics. No name calling, I promise.

1. Lack of humour

My team PM proudly proclaimed her inability to use/ learn softwares. So she dumped eighteen hours of work per day, everyday, onto every team member. Such a serious chore, right, making up for a team leader who can’t get herself to do her job?

Nothing can ever be taken lightly. Everyone is sleep deprived, snapping at the drop of a hat, sinking in never ending despair of letting down his boss and always on the edge of collapse. Nobody smiles. Everyone’s critical and everyone stands up like soldiers to meet every beck and call, mindlessly. This is the energy in which you have to be creative and meet deadlines. Anything this tense can only strip away your well-being and make you a dull slob.

2. Disrespect of boundaries

Whoops, just hit the narcissist goldmine. You are not allowed personal boundaries. My PM took me on her team and then removed her mask. I was new, meeting my team deadlines efficiently and unaware why nobody wanted to be on her team- naturally, I was an excellent choice. So she would talk to me, scowling and gritting her teeth, because she could. The next second she would come and play with my hair. Another senior on the team thought it okay to access my pedestal without questioning me. Anyone intruding your personal space without permission deserves no respect or tolerance from you. So, keep these jerks away the first chance you get.

3. Warped communication and Gaslighting

Good communication skills get you far, basic ones stop you being a jerk. Not communicating is a very conscious choice.

In my team, the seniors would go on a two week long break, informing the team the evening before. Half baked instructions would be given and after completion of the task, distorted as needed. Instead of focusing on the event/ deadline that needs urgent attention, irrelevant issues would be addressed only to rush you to the important task at the last minute, blaming you for not speeding up and doing the needful. So if you realize, you’re being used as bait by an incapable senior management, know that the habit will only get worse.

The emails my PM sent out to her clients were unintelligible because of the grammar and the language. Year after year, she turned into a bully or a frightened mouse, based on the racial background of the person she was dealing with. Her mismanagement and lack of focus ensured her team worked 18 hour shifts daily.

Nobody said a word about it. Why? Nobody knows, that’s why it’s shady.

4. Playing the blame game

Let’s see now…

Tight Schedule…check. Limited budget…check. Insufficient work-force…check. Poor leadership…check. Exhausted team…check. Communication breakdown…check.

This chaos leaves wide gaps in work delegation, leading to constantly passing the buck and ganging up against one another. I remember during client meetings, the PM pointing fingers and yelling at the team members, even when they were not at fault, proclaiming how her team is a embarrassment to her.

The tactics of these PMs are to yell and threaten. What’s that position for, anyway?

5. Hierarchy and Authority

“Oh, I just won’t tell the boss about the extra hours you put in…”

In my team, that is what a Senior told an intern who was ‘challenging’ his intellect. All she did was go the extra mile and do her job thoroughly and without drama. He pounced on her, jeopardizing her chance of starting a career, convincing her that she was playing mind games with him, all the while threatening her position because of his position.She couldn’t drive home after because her fingers kept trembling. A team led by a person hiding their lack of competence under the guise of authority, is a slippery slope. Sooner or later you become every bit this monster, to survive.

I recall when I was put in the team, the PM took me to a different room, interviewed me, threatened me and demanded my portfolio like she had the authority to. Nobody knows what her educational background is, for we are all BLOCKED her very obscure LinkedIn profile.

Gone are the days when hierarchy was a control mechanism. But in a toxic workplace, hierarchies are set in stone, so that you are aware of your vulnerability.

6. Verbal abuse and micromanaging

I recall confronting the PM in private about her behaviour, as a last resort to make amends. She stated she had no trust in me. Yeah, she picked me for the project and threatened me and then said she had no trust in me.

‘Verbal abuse’ is not just yelling but cultivating a ‘mob mentality’ by publicly humiliating you for what you didn’t do and expecting nobody to question it, because they have ultimate authority. It is believing that they can isolate, belittle, demean and yet get their share of work done by the person they target- usually a person whose presence threatens their fragile sense of self. Being the only person in office who proudly proclaimed having ZERO software skills in an industry reliant on software, my PM resorted to micromanaging and nagging till she got her job done. She always said that HER projects were suffering because of us not stepping up.

7. Flying Monkeys

There is no narcissist without this element. Flying Monkeys are the enablers who watch the abuse, passively and then actively participate when their time comes. Maybe your teammates or maybe not. So when the PM is not on your side, clearly you are defenseless and easy to stomp down. There are no consequences to bullying you. Don’t ever let people believe they can walk over you. If you must stand alone, stand tall and take no crap from anyone. It gets hard but it changes a part of the dynamic. But these should never be workplace challenges in the first place.

People don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses. Remember that, at the first instance of abuse.

Bullies operate out of fear and need help, not commanding positions. There are more supportive workplaces now than ever before, so don’t be in one that allows abuse at your expense. Don’t be with people that enslave your mind, time and positive energy because they think they have the power to. Take a moment to consider the love and respect of the people that went into making you who you are. When you allow someone to insult you, you allow them to disrespect your existence. Stand up today, maybe for yourself or for someone else. But always against the bully.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.